Day 24

I want to get in and sail away LOL

Day 21
I havent followed my plan well. In the past fasting or diet was easier. I think my worry right now is that I wil do this, miss out and die anyway and so think "what is the point?".
I guess the point is quality.
Sleeping all day or not being able to do much is not living and I really dont enjoy the hurting. There has to be a balance somewhere. I am still looking even as I look for answers.
Off to teach a few hours. Its getting harder to do but is so worth the effort.
Love and hugs

Tanya

Day 23
I missed yesterday altogether. I didnt even open my computer to read email or to check anything. My head is getting harder to cope with and I pretend a LOT that I am ok. I need to to be able to go to work and teach. Please dont misunderstand. I LOVE my job and my students are the best group of people. It is the horrid head and the body pain that wont let up I struggle with.
I mentioned the lump over my shunt valve site and the tennis ball size one under my left arm already. Well I have lumps in my groin now as well and small ones coming up along the lymphatic lines in my arms and legs. Cancer springs to mind but I havent had the tests done yet.

I was cross with my partner yesterday. He has a tooth that has been having problems for months and I have been reminding him when it has been quiet he needs to have it taken out. Yesterday it blew up like a balloon on the side of his face because of infection. So we made a deal today. I go and have tumour markers done and he will get the tooth out. I do want to know but I also dont. I want to get this scan done as well but I dont. I am scared but not of dying. More so of hurting more than I do already and it is horrid to think it all might be easily solved if I had a little bit more money. Got to work on this.
I did sell a bundle of old jewelrry stock on Tuesday and got a couple of orders as well. I know I will sell a lot more next week as the ladies asked me for more pieces so will make up some bits and go from there. I might as well use my stones and stock instead of sitting on it all.

Ok time to teach again lol. The girls are excited about class and I am so honoured to be able to work with them.

Happy Birthday to my sister as well.

Love and Hugs to all

Tanya

Day 24
Yes I am really here this morning. Just. I went to bed early and so didnt do much after I came home. I have my Thai homework waiting for me and have to go to class very soon. Why am I stil going? This has become a good question. Except for the fact that I dont want to waste my fees that I spent I really have no pressing reason for learning anymore. So I will go back to having class one time a week and see if that is doable. Right now twice is not.
One of my students brought me a herb concoction to help my head. Lovely lady. It is supposed to help with detox and support but takes about a week to show results. I will see as I go. Right now I am going to try anything. Reminds me of those movies where people end up paying so much money to tricksters for cures that dont work. Could be the lesson in this one as I had an instance yesterday of throwing good money away after bad. Keeping my eyes open and listening carefully.

Ok have to go.I'll go and attempt this even though I am not prepared nor am really ok. I am teaching a private class today as well and then have to meet a friend who wants some help to buy stuff. At least that may be business and may be money for me. I know right now I am accepting all offers of money as I make the effort to save for this scan.

Love and Hugs to all
Tanya