Day 13

A little loveliness in the day.


Again I am out the door for classes and another long day on the horizon. Kind of sucks when all you seem to do is run and run and still cant cover the bills that need to be paid. There has to be a better way to do this. I may have answers but they come slowly in between all the other stuff and need foundations as well.
Food today so far has been a cup of black coffee and half a small pineapple,herbs and a little water. Not enough. When I run about I seem to drink less. Seems to be because I cant find a bathroom easily. Got to stop this.

Yesterday flashbacks began again. All those times that have such negative energies are popping into my head and the feelings that go with them are so horrid. It's hard enough at times to cope with current messes let alone ones that are from history and whilst the current ones mainly involve verbal stuff that I am more able to deal with, the memories of being physically hurt are much harder because they feel real even though they are not happening now. When does that ever go away? Or do I have to change th energy on it all so it stops hurting.
In many ways I feel it is a sort of detox. Getting negatives out and so it is kind of ok but when it grabs you whilst you are trying to focus on teaching, or on the train in public and you cannot be seen to react it is a challenge. It will sort itself as soon as I work out why it has surfaced. Just have to have the time to address it. I'm looking forward to a day off on Saturday.
Ok time to begin my teaching day.

Love and Hugs to all
Tanya


Gosh what a day!!!!!! Classes have been ok and time has flown but I was on the bus and the person next to me wanted to take up the whole seat so I was perched on the outside edge of the chair. Not a big deal really. When she went to get off the bus it got worse. I noticed her getting ready to get off so I was preparing to stand so she could get past me. As I stood she shoved me from behind with her elbow in my back and sent me flying across the bus aisle. No 'excuse me please or so sorry' in any language.
I was so upset I very loudly told her to at least excuse herself first. Yes I was speaking her language and she understood and so did all the rest of the people on the bus.

I know as a so called 'rich foreigner' I am not so welcome by the less wealthy people in this country. I also know I am not so welcome on the buses because why am I taking up a seat on the bus? when I could go by taxi. Having said that I am always polite and I stand when I am able. I give my seat to older people and those less able even when my head is screaming and I can hardly stand myself. This basic courtesy is not often returned and many times I have wished I had a huge visual defect so people could see I am not well.Oh and I pay my fare just the same as others as well.
It is hard to be 'just' a foreigner with 'just' a headache.

Go to go. Another class is set to begin.

Love and Hugs to all.

Tanya