Day 49

A whole week has passed. It was a haze of pain and rushing to meet commitments for work and then there was public holidays for the Buddhist calendar and, well a new week has begin and I am here.

I have had time to sit and make some things.Will post pics when I make some. It feels so good to be a bit creative again and I am letting my mind roam as I go.
Today I am contemplating the markers of success and how we measure ourselves. I guess the question for me is Am I successful?
Well by my fathers measure I will never be good enough no matter what I do, say or who I know so I am throwing that measuring stick away. I know I am good enough in so many ways and I am looking at other areas because I really want to leave a decent legacy.

So in the standards of finance I am not successful. I have no savings and no money really and I have no assets to speak of. If I was dead then my children will inherit but only because I took measures to make sure they were provided for. This doesnt make me financially successful though.

In my work? Well I know the contributions I have made to my students will ripple through so in many ways this is a good indicator of success. However, I didnt really use my education and I havent really given the bulk part of what I know to anyone and no one else can use it. The jury is still out on this point.

In my love life? HUGE fail there. Messed up every romantic relationship I have ever had and whilst I have a stable relationship currently I know my being unwell is taking its toll.

Health wise? HUGE fail there. No success for health. No matter how hard I try it seems to just get worse. Guess genes can be blamed for some but then I dont know.

My family and children? No idea. They dont talk to me really and I will stay away because I dont want to interupt. Guess that is not successful either.

So I have a couple of wins but more losses in the arena of success than I want to admit. It is an interesting exercise because if I look objectively as possible overall my life is ok. I am improving as I go and have learnt a lot from my past. I am not in a hurry to remake it nor am I wanting to rebuild structures that have failed me in the past. Forward I go.

Love and Hugs to all
Tanya