Day 97

My children. I am so proud of them all and hope that this wedding of the younger daughter will be successful and she will have a wonderful life.

This is a surprise. Tanya is blogging again after only 4 days. Well I actually feel ok today.I have had a rough few days and pain has been over the top.Pain patch to the rescue and whilst I am a little sleepy and a lot foggy in the brain I can function better.I also feel more motivated to do stuff I am supposed to.

This last few days has had me searching for answers again. I have had so many events that I have had to turn down, not attend or just plain cancel because I have been sick. I have missed out on so many opportunities and so many chances because of being ill and well... frankly speaking.... I have had enough.
So I sat and asked again and listened again and that didnt help much.All by myself it kind of yields nothing. Yesterday I sat and talked to my friend on Skype for a little over two hours.My how the time just flew past but it was so very useful for us both. I honestly point things out for her and she does the same for me. Sometimes she says things about her stuff that opens up new doors in mine. So what were the key things yesterday.

Safety..... I dont feel safe in my body.Now that has to be a strange sounding thing to many but to me it is natural.After all my body has been a very big source of pain from illness and abuse for most of my life and as such it makes me a lot insecure in how I feel about this physical 3D vehicle I travel about in.

After I worked that one out the questions tumbled out and they were things like "How can I change this so I feel safer? Do I have underlying beliefs that stop me feeling safe? If I have are they able to be changed and stay in place?" Oh and "What next?"

It all comes back to Faith. I have to believe that this all has a purpose and that I am being supported in all this. I have to just take it on face value that my life has a purpose and I am valuable (after all I am just as equal as everyone else so have the same "value"). I have decided to do what I am able and to look after myself and give back to me as best I can and let the rest go by the by. Not stress on it all and know that if the pain of illness gets too bad then I will be taken care of some how.Faith.What a fun concept.

On that note I am off to work. Still have to work even if it is too hard and I will do my best.

Love and Hugs to all
Tanya