Thursday, October 11, 2012

Sat and waited for 4 hours to see the lady Oncologist. She has lovely English even though she didnt want to speak it.
So I now have a request for blood tests and a request for a new MRI with contrast for my head which will be done tomorrow and then I will go to the National Cancer Institute and camp out until I get a diagnosis. No one wants to tell me anything much and tests here are limited. I cant even really just jump on a plane and fly back to Australia now because my blood results were bad and it is way too risky.
So that brings up the next point.
Right now it looks like I am going to die.
Holy Moly Tanya you cant write that...You cant even say that.... Why not? What is so very wrong with actually facing a truth as it stands.
I wasnt taught how to live in the sense of being happy and whole. I was taught how to fight to go forward and I was taught to be competitive and to win at all costs. Well guess what? It is not making me happy. I dont think it really makes anyone happy.
So what makes me happy right now? patting my rabbit, sleeping, reading a book, spending time with my friends and making pretties.
That is happy. If I have to learn to die then that lesson will be learnt as well. Not a problem.
Love and hugs

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Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them.Love and hugs to all. Tanya