Gosh Day 80 already

I really want a week or more in a little place like this. No stress, no fuss and no worries.

I have really been snowed under with so much. I did a couple of things last week and I have put a couple of posts under this so as you can get an idea of what I did.Well it wasnt much I wrote about but it felt important at the time.Today is already more than a week past last Monday and it screamed by so fast.I have made an amazing set out of what I started in Laos and no it is not finished just yet but today it may finally get off the bench and onto a model for pics. I hope so.
This blog started as a journey to find an answer to my head pain. Well it is has not done that. Medically I have been able to do not much as I have had no money to see a Dr. I had bloodwork done that tells me I have a cancer lurking somewhere and that the pain in my head and belly may be connected but no diagnostics.I am working so hard on getting up everyday to go to work to pay the bills and then to come home and create stuff for the shows I have been invited to so that I can raise the funds to have the scan I need to have done so I can do what? Die anyway? Well I am enjoying it all as much as pain will allow. The horrid nasty stuff saps all the energy and takes away a lot of joy at times and I find myself making my world smaller so I dont hurt as much.
I have done so much inner healing stuff and off loaded so much baggage and changed so many ways. The "New age" people tell me that it will help. I am at that point now where it doesnt matter really one way or another because there is no future really. Not past the next few weeks or months. Oh well.NO today is not a down day. It is how it is everyday. I just dont see the point any longer.
Ok I am off to work.I will explore this more another time.
Love and Hugs to all
Tanya

Day? Saturday 6th.
Ok so here I am again. Late again.
I had a brush with the Grim Reaper yesterday. I seriously felt I was dying. I woke feeling pretty awful and my head was bad. So I took a dose of Cafergot to try and help. I have taken it before with no problems so thought it would be safe enough. I dressed and went off to school for Thai class and then 4 hours at work. My new job is great only being 4 hours a day and a flexible 12 o'clock start.
Sitting in the classroom and the nausea began and the head got worse. I tried just washing my face and cooling down but it continued to get worse so I went home. Dont know what the boss will think because I have only just started but I was glad I left because in the cab I was really feeling crappy and by the time I got home had to have help to even walk.
Upstairs (what an effort that was) and into bed to vomit everywhere and pass out. As I let go into unconciousness the whole room turned Emerald Green and I was floating in it. It felt so clean and fresh and alive.
A few hours later I woke up. I was still shaky and dizzy but not dying anymore. Dying is the only way to really describe the feeling I had had before.
It was not a good time and I wont be touching the meds again. Lesson learnt.
Today I woke feeling alert and more well than I have in a long long time. I didnt need the coffee kick start I usually have to have and my usual lack of motivation has all but disappeared. I want to do things and want to move forward. Today I feel valuable and happy.
The Green? I feel it was a healing and I know it is why I feel the way I do today. I also know I can access it anytime now. I wonder how I can share that one too? Will have to look at it.
Off now to sort my visa run. I have to go to Laos to get my visa. Funny how this sort of travelling no longer is more than just routine. Gosh I am going to another country even and it is kind of boring lol. I have a couple of projects I will work on that are time intensive so will get things done too.
Ok alomst there. Must look out for my stop.


Love and Hugs
Tanya

Monday
Laos. Slept for about 4hours late night. The trip in the van was ok but not good for sleeping. So my visa was approved. YAY I am happy and I started my new piece but the light was crap so only could do a little. Then I was too tired so went to sleep. Spent time watching crappy movies and thinking. Ok all good. Time to go back to bed. I'm still so tired.
Love and Hugs to all
Tanya